A Different Way of Thinking

By: Bradley J. Heffernan

In June 2016 I was officially diagnosed with Adult ADHD. Being diagnosed and doing the research has answered so many questions about things I've never been able to understand about myself. I wrote this article for myself and for people who are seeking to understand me better. Doing the research and writing this has helped me to better understand what I'm dealing with everyday.  

ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder; which isn't really an accurate name for it because technically it's not a "deficit" of attention, rather it's a maldistribution of attention. Also, not everyone with ADHD is physically hyperactive. Approximately 4% of adults have ADHD.  

Despite the many stereotypes, most people really have no clue what ADHD actually is. It's much more complicated than people realize. On top of struggling to pay attention, we also struggle with prioritizing, time management, working memory, regulating our emotions, staying awake, falling asleep, and transitioning between tasks.

According to the Attention Deficit Disorder Association, ADHD is a highly genetic, brain-based syndrome that has to do with the regulation of a particular set of brain functions and related behaviors. These brain operations are collectively referred to as “executive functioning skills” and include important functions such as attention, concentration, memory, motivation and effort, learning from mistakes, impulsivity, hyperactivity, organization, and social skills. There are various contributing factors that play a role in these challenges including chemical and structural differences in the brain as well as genetics.

The ADHD condition has been described in medical literature for over a hundred years; it is one of the most researched medical conditions and is now understood to be a serious neuro-developmental disorder. While some parts of our brain develop faster than normal, other parts are actually a few years behind. One of those areas is the Pre-Frontal Cortex which is kinda like the CEO of our brains; it's the planning, decision making, prioritizing, and the "getting us to where we want to go" part of our brains. 

Another part of the ADHD brain that doesn't function properly is called the Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC). In neurotypical brains the ACC activates anytime you experience emotional or social conflict. For example, you might want to say or do something foolish that could have consequences. The ACC is like a filter which sort of acts as that friend who holds you back when you want to punch someone. The problem in ADHD brains is that the ACC doesn't always work that way (or at all). 

In fact, according to Dr. Russell Barkley, “In adult ADHD brains, the ACC appears to do nothing”. So with nothing to hold you back, it's not hard to say or do things that you might regret - especially when you're upset. It can cost us friendships, relationships, and even our jobs. Afterwards we feel awful, we regret it, and then ... we do it again.  Dr. Barkley describes this as “problems with response inhibition”. Dr. Ned Hallowell calls it “having a Ferrari brain with bicycle breaks”. 

The ADHD-Dopamine Link

ADHD is biologically woven into our DNA. It never goes away (though it can be managed). Telling us to suck it up and try harder is like telling a visually impaired person to see harder. You can’t see what he sees; you trust him when he tells you the world is a blur, and you let his glasses do their job. It’s the same with ADHD. Trust us that we would fix our symptoms if we could, and we’re doing our best with the tools we have. 

ADHD is NOT a damaged or defective nervous system. It is a nervous system that works well using its own set of rules. Often we struggle with education only because the education system is a one-size-fits-all system. Most of us are never taught how to use ADHD to our advantage. We are usually expected to think and learn like everyone else. But we can't do that. We learn differently. That doesn't make us wrong or less intelligent - it just makes us different. That's not a bad thing. 

If you were to put non-ADHD students in an ADHD learning environment - suddenly they'd be the underachivers. The problem is that there isn't enough ballance in our education system where cognitive diversity is concerned. Everyone is intelligent, 

but as Albert Einstein pointed out, if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will go through life believing it is stupid.


ADHD Truths That Baffle the Rest of the World

Here's ADHD in a nutshell: 

• You can't sit still. (Always fidgety - bite nails, click pen, etc.) 
• Your long term goals change at least once a month. 
• You're either being completely lazy or doing everything at the same time. 
• Your sense of time is now and not now (usually not now). 
• “I'll take care of it later” means “I've already forgotten what you're talking to me about”. 
• You get bored really easily. 
• You're clumsy and accident prone (about 50% of us have poor motor coordination a.k.a. dyspraxia). 
• You're impulsive (you tend to react to your thoughts too quickly). 
• You have a hard time being social (you know the social rules, you just have a hard time knowing when and how to apply them). 
• You tend to over-think things, scrutinize minor details, and worry or panic over the smallest things. 
• Your closet, room, and car is a mess. 
• You struggle with productivity and motivation. 
• It is not uncommon to start work early, finish late, work hard, but still struggle to get all the work done.

Chances are, everyone can relate to some of these (maybe even all of them). And that kinda creates an issue for those of us who really do have ADHD. Those who don't have it tend to not take it seriously - or think it's a joke. People often say things like “ADHD doesn't exist” or, “Well we all have ADHD sometimes”. But to paraphrase Dr. Steven Kurtz of the Child Mind Institute; that's like saying that everyone taller than the ground is tall, so tall really doesn't exist. Or that since sometimes we're taller than the person next to us, we are “all tall sometimes”. Sure, but when you're talking about someone who's 6'5'', they're tall pretty much all the time.

Having ADHD symptoms isn't the same as having ADHD. There are those of us who really can be recognized as ADHD.  And sometimes we need help. We're talking about something that happens so often it makes every day life a challenge. The truth is that it can be very debilitating. But with treatment you can do a lot with it. 

Those with ADHD tend to work well in unusual environments. We usually work best in the jobs where we are allowed to be creative and hands-on; often where there is a real sense of urgency. We are the creative-geniuses who come up with brilliant and innovative ideas. We make connections and see patterns that most people will miss. We have a unique way of seeing the world. Despite ADHD's association with learning disabilities, most people with an ADHD mind have significantly higher-than-average IQs.

Approximately 4% of adults have ADHD, and it's interesting that most of the greatest geniuses of all time have actually fallen into that 4%:  (Famous people with ADHD).

Indeed, most of life's highest achievers have this one odd little secret called ADHD. They learned how to accept their unique way of thinking and used it to their advantage. Erase ADHD from history and you'll find yourself living in a world with no airplanes, computers, phones, movies, electricity, and Penicillin.

Yes, Penicillin. Thank God for blessing Alexander Fleming with ADHD. His scattered way of thinking, his disorganization, and his absent-mindedness all played a part in what led him to the discovery of Penicillin; which has literally saved billions of lives; and continues to save millions of lives every year.

Michael Fitzgerald, professor of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at Trinity College in Dublin has said: “The same genes that are involved in ADHD can also be associated with risk-taking behaviour. While these urges can be problematic or even self-destructive - occasionally leading people into delinquency, addiction, or crime, they can also lead to earth-shattering breakthroughs in the fields of the arts, science, and exploration. People with ADHD have symptoms of inattentiveness, but they often also have a capacity to hyper-focus on a narrow area that is of particular interest to them.”

Ah yes, the paradox of ADHD and being hyper-focused. As I touched on before, ADHD is not actually a deficit of attention, but rather a maldistribution of attention -- that is, people who have it often oscillate between splintered and hyper-focused attention. When people with ADHD are able find something that they're passionate about, they will dedicate themselves harder than anyone else could even imagine — often times crushing the competition.

Under the Spell of Hyper-Focus

ADHD has long been associated with increased physical and emotional sensitivity, which can make normal, daily activities unbearable or extremely distracting. Gabor Maté, M.D., the author of Scattered Minds, says, “People with (ADHD) are hypersensitive. That is not a fault or a weakness, it is how they were born.” Research and clinical observation show that people with ADHD tend to have hypersensitivities in all five senses. Basically, our brains magnify everything. With ADHD, everything is stronger and louder. Thus little things can really irritate us, we tend to overthink everything, and we often worry over nothing. (Hypersensitivity).

ADHD Rarely Travels Alone. Around 80 percent of adults with ADHD are diagnosed with at least one other psychiatric disorder sometime during their life. 25 percent of kids with ADHD have anxiety disorder, 17-52 percent of adults with ADHD develop the same disorder. 20 percent of those with ADHD suffer from bipolar or a mood disorder.   

Along with all the trouble that comes with ADHD, there is also a long list of positive characteristics. Generally speaking we have a strong sense of what is fair. Generally we're spontaneous, funny, romantic, compassionate, and very creative. We love deep conversations. We're generous with money, time, and resources. You can trust us to provide a different perspective when needed. We fight for what we believe in. We excel in being able to motivate and inspire others.  

Not knowing you have ADHD is torture. It has left me feeling stupid and broken for most of my life. It has ruined developing relationships, harmed strong relationships, and almost led me to suicide. When you don't understand what something is, you can't know how to control it. And if you can't control it, than it will control you and send your life into a whirlwind of chaos. But if you can educate yourself and come to grips with what you struggle with, it is possible to turn that weakness into a strength. 

In adults, some research says ADHD traits can be blamed for lost jobs, failed careers, broken marriages, and financial hardships. Since childhood, most people with ADHD have heard they’re lazy, crazy or stupid, and that they’re doomed to a life of under-achievement and failure. No wonder so many people with ADHD feel broken. I definitely did. I got to the point where I isolated myself from the world and pushed people away. I hated myself, I was mad at God, and I wanted to die.

Suicide rates are significantly higher in those with ADHD and their families. Many children that doctors see with ADHD have already began to self-loath at very young ages - often having thoughts or actions of self-harm and suicide. The stress of not being able to think like everyone else while expected to think like everyone else is heavy. People often think that the comorbidities of ADHD (like self-loathing and depression) are purely inherent to the condition. But I'd argue they're in large part due to how outsiders react to us.

ADHD in Exile: When the Shame of Living with a Disorder Is Worse Than the Disorder Itself.

Children who have ADHD are often outcasts in school. They struggle to make friends. They're bullied, not invited to birthday parties, and often very lonely. I can relate. The sad thing is that quite often, children with ADHD are only lonely because they're different – not because they wouldn't be good friends.

Most people diagnosed with ADHD take medication. I'm one of them. Medication does not cure ADHD, but it can help manage the symptoms; and for most people it's highly effective. But even on medication most people still experience their ADHD symptoms – they're just easier to manage. And once the meds wear off - the syptoms return in full force. 

Managing ADHD is not 'one-size-fits-all'. It's unique to each individuel who has it. Rarely is it a quick and easy process. It takes a lot of patience and persistence - which we often lack. However, as I've been striving manage it, and with the help of God, I'm slowly learning how to turn this weakness into a strength. I'm starting to feel like I can move forward in life. 

Taking time to educate myself about my ADHD has actually been very liberating. Once you understand your weakness it loses power over you and you immediately gain the upper hand. This is something I'm going to struggle with for the rest of my life. But now that I understand it - I feel I've been given permission to embrace it. 

←What it's like being diagnosed as an adult. 100% accurate.







A list of links to learn more about ADHD:

Websites:
ADDitude
Attention Deficit Disorder Association

General Articles:
ADHD: The Facts
The ADHD Nervous System
7 Myths About ADHD... Debunked!
Why do People Say ADHD Doesn't Exist?
12 Things You Don't Know About Me
Newly Diagnosed Adults
What Adult ADHD Feels Like
Emotional Riot
The Civil War Inside My Brain
What My Worst Days Feel Like
When It's More Than ADHD
The Way Forward

ADHD and Relationships:
Why We Crave Drama That Sabotages Relationships
Loving Vs. Living With Someone With ADHD
If You Love Me, Please Take This Seriously
9 Ways ADHD Ruins Marriages
ADHD is Hurting our Marriage
The ADHD Effect on Marriage
ADHD Time Management
ADHD and Romance
ADHD and Sex
Love In The Fast Lane
Let's Be Honest - Video

Educational Videos I Highly Recommend:
How to ADHD (Jessica McCabe's Youtube channel)
How To Know If You Have ADHD
What It's Like To Be Diagnosed With ADHD As An Adult (very accurate)
ADHD And Medication
What to Say Instead of I'm Sorry
Is ADHD An Advantage?
7 Myths You Still Believe About ADHD
What It Feels Like To Have ADHD
ADHD and Perfectionism 
The 'Unofficial' ADHD Test for Adults - Funny but true

Other Helpful Information:
Secrets of the ADHD Brain
An ADHD Test for Adults
Free ADHD Resources 1
Free ADHD Resources 2

For Latter-day Saints: 
Of Covenants and ADHD
The Education of a Lifetime

Like a Broken Vessel